


You've Ruined Me!

by clgfanfic



Category: Soldier of Fortune Inc.
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 10:00:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a missing scene/tag to "When the Hammer Falls"</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Ruined Me!

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Don't Ask, Don't Tell #4 under the pen name KC.

Matthew Quintin Shepherd sat on his hotel room bed, fuming.  Lying beside him, Margo slept peacefully.  He glanced down at her, appreciating again the combination of beauty, brains and skill she embodied.  And, at the moment, she was stunning, her face soft and vulnerable in sleep, her breasts rising and falling under the clinging black silk nightgown she wore, accenting her pale skin…

And that was _exactly_ why he was pissed.  It had been more than clear earlier that she was inviting him to take full advantage of their current undercover roles of husband and wife.  Her kiss in front of the window had been warm and inviting, almost demanding, but he had been completely unable to respond to it.

He rolled his eyes, knowing she had gone to sleep thinking it was because he was embarrassed, or hesitant due to their current working relationship, and he'd done absolutely nothing to change that opinion.  How could he?

How could he tell the most beautiful woman he knew that he wasn't attracted to her like he had been at one time?  How could he possibly tell her that the reason he wasn't attracted to her anymore was because he was attracted to one of her other teammates?

A male teammate.

Benny Ray.

He held his breath, silently counting to ten to keep his anger from slipping from his control.  How the _hell_ had that happened?  How the hell had he fallen for a _man?_   And _that_ man in particular?

It was insane, completely and totally _insane_.  And he knew it.  But, if anything, the last ten hours had proven to him that it was also undeniably true.  He was obsessed with a _man_.

He should have jumped – feet first, no hesitation – at the chance to spend a night in Margo's arms.  He had the perfect excuse: it would cement their cover and convince the men listening in on them that they were exactly who and what they claimed to be.  And no one on the team would think a thing about it, either.  It would all be done in the line of duty – no harm, no foul.

But he couldn't do it; he just couldn't.  And worse, he could tell from his complete lack of response to her kiss that if he'd tried he would have just embarrassed himself, and her.

So what had he done instead of spending a night between the sheets with a stone cold fox?  He'd sat on the damned bed all night, silently venting his frustration in a non-stop diatribe that no one would ever hear.

That was brilliant.

Yeah, a great way to pass the time… if you were a freakin' monk!

He should have at least slept.  He should have forced himself to rest, but he couldn't even do that.

The man had ruined him.  Completely and totally ruined him.  And there was nothing he could do about it, because Benny Ray wasn't interested in Matt Shepherd in the slightest.

At least Matt didn't think he was, and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask the sniper to find out.

But if he _didn't_ ask, then he'd never be able to save his sex life, and by God he _liked_ sex!

He looked up at the ceiling, silently cursing whatever god or gods had placed him in his current predicament.  Whoever it was must think it was hysterical: macho Special Forces major rendered impotent by his unnatural desire for another man.  And the icing on the cake?  All the while there's a beautiful young woman offering herself to him.  Oh, yeah, just hysterical.

But now the question was, what the hell was he going to do about it?

He pondered that.

Ten minutes passed.  Twenty.  An hour.  And still he didn't have an answer.  He sagged against the bed, defeated by the question.

Then the elusive answer whispered though his mind.  _You have to tell Benny Ray, idiot_.

He snorted softly.  _Right.  Tell Mr. Macho, Mr. I-was-married-twelve-years, Mr. I-have-three-kids-and-never-looked-at-a-man-in-my-life that I want to fuck him until he screams.  That would work.  Sure.  He'd probably shoot me on the spot and never blink_.

 _You have to tell him.  You have to make him understand it isn't lust_.

But it _was_ lust.  And love, too, Matt admitted, but definitely lust.  He _wanted_ the man.  He wanted to take him and fuck him until his head spun.  He wanted to crawl into him and never come out.  He wanted to own him, body, mind and soul.

 _Tell him_.

 _Maybe_.

He glanced at the window, finding a pale halo of light beginning to show.  _Almost dawn_ , he thought, grateful.  Before long they would be up and moving, the mission continuing, taking his mind off the dilemma, and his desire.

Margo sighed softly and stirred.

 _That's it_ , he thought.  _Wake up, Margo.  Let's get this show on the road or I'm going to have to go jerk off in the bathroom_.  He blushed and glanced away when she blinked her eyes open and looked up at him.

 _He's really ruined me_ , Matt lamented, not sure if he was more mad or frustrated at this point.  Not that it mattered.  He wasn't ever going to mention the problem to Benny Ray, or any one else for that matter.

 _Tell him_.

_Oh, shut up!_

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Matt paced in the basement of the Silver Star.  His steps were clipped, short.  He reached the end of the room and stopped, pivoted on his toe and stalked back the way he'd come.  His eyes were narrowed, his chest tight.

          _You have to tell him_.  _He's right up there, lying in his bed–_

          _Ahhhh!_ he screamed silently.  _I am not telling him!  He's not going to be interested!  He's–  Normal!_

          Matt stopped, his hands on his hips, his chest heaving slightly.  _Jesus Christ, did I just think that?_

          _You did_.

          With a heavy sigh he walked over to the couch and dropped down.  He wanted to yell.  He wanted to beat the shit out of something.  He wanted to break the furniture into–

          _Get real.  You want to go up there and beg Benny Ray to screw your brains out_.

          _Yes!  Fine!  That's what I want.  Happy now?_

          _No.  Go do it._

          He snorted and pressed back, his arms crossed over his chest.  _Never_.

          _Coward_.

          _Bastard_.

          He looked up sharply at the sound of someone coming down the stairs, his eyes narrowing.  It was Benny Ray, and he was only wearing tight white briefs.

          _Is he trying to drive me crazy?!  You put him up to this, didn’t you._

          _Tell him_.

          "Major?" the sniper said.  "Something up, sir?"

          "You could say that," Matt replied, his low growl a little more peevish than he wanted it to be, but he just couldn't help himself.  Something _was_ up, and all it had taken was one look at the man in his underwear.  He _was_ ruined!  Someone had turned him into a ho– ho– Oh, for Christ's sake, the next thing he knew, he'd be watching _Queer as Folks_ just to get his rocks off! 

          "Uh, you mad at me, Major?"

          Matt looked up, meeting the sniper's concerned gaze and felt his temper flare.  The man had the gall to look completely clueless.

          _He **is** clueless.  You haven't told him how you feel yet – get on with it_.

          Matt shoved to his feet and he stalked toward his second in command, the sniper unconsciously drawing himself up to take the dressing down he was sure was coming.

          Leaning slightly forward, his chin thrust out defiantly, Matt circled the man like a shark considering a midnight snack, and God knew he was hungry…  "Anybody ever tell you you have a beautiful ass?" he heard himself ask.

          _What?! You did that!  Stop!  Now!_

          "Sir?" the sniper squeaked, his eyes rounding with surprise as his cheeks turned a deep rosy red.

          "My God but you're something," he continued.

          _No, no, no…  He's going to kill me!_

          But Benny Ray didn't move.  His ears, however, did turn a deeper shade of red than his face.  "Uh, Matt, is there somethin' you want t' tell me?"

          "Yes."

          _No!_

          "Okay," the sniper said, his brow furrowing slightly.  "And what would that be, sir?"

          _Don't you dare!  Don't – you – dare!_

          "This might come as a shock to you…"  _Shit – shit – shit!_  "But I find you very… attractive."

          "You do?" the sniper replied, his voice a couple of octaves above normal.

          "I do.  And I–"  _No!  Absolutely not!_  "Well, I've been having these… dre– fantasies… about you."

          "Fantasies, sir?"

          "Would you _please_ stop calling me that?" Matt snapped.  "At least while I'm losing my mind and telling you that I love you?"  He stopped, his own eyes rounding.  _I didn't say that!  Tell me I didn't say that!_

          Benny Ray's eyebrows arched close to his hairline.

          "I–" Matt started, but he couldn't take it back.  "Okay, look, I find you attractive.  Hell, I find you damn-near irresistible.  I'd like to bend you over, right now, and fu–"  _Ahhhhh!_   He swung around, wondering how it would look if he threw himself off the roof of the building.

          "Matt."

          The sniper's voice sounded a whole lot more reasonable than he expected, so Matt turned back to face the man, and whatever it was he had to say.

          "Yeah?" he managed to gasp.

          " _You_ want to make love to _me?_ "

          "Yes," he admitted, his voice barely above a hissed whisper.  "Eventually.  Right now I just want to fuck you into the floor."  Then something in the man snapped.  "Do you know what you've done?" he bellowed.  "You've ruined me!  You might as well have neutered me!  I can't look at a woman without thinking about you!  I haven't been able to sleep with a woman in mo– In a _long_ time!  I couldn't even sleep with Margo in Germany!"

          The sniper grinned.

          "What're you grinning at?" Matt exploded.  "Don't you get it?  I'm–! I'm–!  I'm going crazy, that's what I'm doing!"  He swung away again, shaking his head, his mouth opening and closing like a fish tossed onto the bank.  Jerking back to pin the sniper with his gaze, he demanded, "Tell me now that you think I'm crazy!  That I'm sick.  That I–"

          "What're we waitin' for?"

          "What?"

          "I said, what're we waitin' for?"

          Matt practiced his fish face imitation some more.

          _You know, you look pretty stupid right now.  Say something to him_.

          "Are you _nuts!?_ "

          Benny Ray blinked, confusion and concern clear in his eyes and his expression.

          _That wasn't exactly what I had in mind.  You've got him thinking you are ready for the rubber room – no pun intended._

          Matt's hands came up, warding off the question the sniper was about to ask – probably, "Sir, is there a doctor I should call?" – and said, "Sorry.  I just– I mean–  Look, I didn't think you'd be interested in– in– you know what I mean!"

          Benny Ray nodded.  "I know."

          "So you're not interested."  Matt was relieved and disappointed at the same time.

          "No, I _am_ interested."

          "You _can't_ be interested!  You were _married_.  You've got _kids_.  You– You're interested?"

          Benny Ray nodded.

          Matt huffed, wishing he could just whimper.  This wasn't at all how he'd imagined the sniper reacting and he was scared.  _Horny as hell and scared_ , he corrected.  But there was no denying the truth of the man's admission.  It was obvious to anyone who wanted to look, and Matt was staring.

          "I don't know what to say," Matt admitted.

          "Well, sir, this ain't exactly a situation that requires a lot o' talkin'."

          The man was a genius.  Matt nodded and gestured toward the stairs, his eyebrows rising in a silent question that was also invitation.  Benny Ray grinned and nodded, turning and heading for the steps, the major right behind him.

          In Matt's room Benny Ray waited for him to enter, then closed the door and leaned his back against it.  Matt stepped closer to him and he pulled the major into his grip.  In the darkness their lips met.  The sniper's arms encircled Matt and he succumbed to the embrace as their tongues danced.

          _See, I told you it would work out_.

          _Shhh_.

The kiss seemed eternal, but eventually – painfully – it came to an end.  Matt opened his eyes to meet Benny Ray's stare.  _Oh shit, he's going to change his mind, I just know it_.

But the sniper only reached out, pulling at Matt's belt.  It cinched tighter about the taller man's waist, then went loose.  As the sniper's hands unfastened the top button of Matt's jeans, the major leaned into him, pressing him against the door as he felt one hand crept into his pants and tug playfully at the hair growing from his groin.  Benny Ray grinned.

 _He likes the fact you've gone commando_.

 _Shhh_.

Matt heard his zipper descend and Benny Ray's hand slipped deeper into the loose jeans.  Like a curious dog, the major's cock rose up to sniff the man's hand.  Benny Ray grasped him firmly, noting the heft, then pulled it out through the open V of his fly.  He squeezed, and Matt swelled in his palm, his eyes closing.

 _Oh God_ , he thought.  _He's driving me wild_.

With his stiffening cock as a leash, Benny Ray pulled Matt toward him.  Their lips met again and the sniper's free hand grasped the back of Matt's head, pulling him even closer.  The kiss was frenzied, and through it all Benny Ray jerked roughly until the major's exposed cock stood out from his body like an embedded knife.

 _Go for it, wild man_ , the voice whispered into Matt's ear.

Penned up desire bursting free, Matt clutched Benny Ray's hips and thrust his groin hard against the sniper's, feeling something stiffen in reply within the cotton enclosure of his briefs.  He sucked the man's tongue into his mouth, chewing on it, bathing it with his desire.  Then, without breaking the contact, Matt's hands slid around the sniper's waist, resting for a moment at the top of his underwear.  He shoved them as far down his legs as he could.

His fingers trailed across Benny Ray's abdomen, making the muscles jump under his touch, and dipped downward to find the root of the sniper's cock.  He squeezed the base and found it as stiff and firm as his own.

Their fingers brushed against each other as they brought their cocks together within the confines of their two palms.

Matt broke the kiss, moving along Benny Ray's jaw line to the tender flesh beneath and behind his ears.  He bit gently and the sniper groaned, crushing himself against his CO.

He wants you.  Now's your chance.  You can do what you've been wanting to do to him… give it to him, Matt.  Give it to him now.

The sniper spread his legs, and Matt immediately nudged his cock between the man's thighs.  He dove forward, his cock forging through the forest of thick hair behind Benny Ray's balls.  The sensation of the soft hair brushing against his cock's tender head was excruciating and exhilarating.  The fingers of both his hands worked their way into the sniper's crack, and his right index finger found what Matt was looking for.

Benny Ray's hole gaped open and, wet from the sweat of their bodies, the tip of his finger slipped inside the man.

 _Oh, God_ , Matt gasped silently, forcing his finger deeper.  He was going to lose control.  He was going to fuck the man that very instant.

 _Easy_ , the voice whispered.  _Don't scare him away, hoss_.

Benny Ray gasped, and Matt pushed deeper in reply, a feral snarl on his lips.  He strained forward with his hips, hoping to let his cock join his fingertip in the tight warmth, but he was stopped agonizingly short.  The sniper's knees buckled slightly, but even that wasn't enough.  A soft whimper sounded in Matt's ear.

          _I can't wait.  I just can't_ , he growled to himself as he pushed the sniper away with his free hand, still keeping his finger tucked into the opening of his chute.  Wordlessly, he pushed on Benny Ray's shoulder, signaling him to turn around.

The sniper pivoted on his heel, but his underwear snared him.  He tripped forward, catching himself with his hands on the door and let out a startled yelp.  Matt smiled devilishly and drove his finger deeper inside the man and he yelped again, his muscles tightening.

 _Don't hurt him_ , Matt thought, pulling back slightly.  The sniper relaxed, then, a moment later, he eased himself farther down onto the major's finger.

Matt hunched his hips forward, letting his cock burrow between the man's cheeks, crowding his busy finger.

Benny Ray sensed the pressure and pushed backward against the man.  Matt thrust his hips, nudging his cock deeper and deeper into the crack.  He was leaking heavily, and with a few strokes the sniper was wet and lubed.

Benny Ray turned his face, and in the moonlight he was unmasked.  The guarded sniper had slipped away and all that remained was raw desire.  Matt didn't have to ask him if he was ready.  Pulling his finger out, Matt positioned the head of his cock at the tight opening, then thrust forward, the sniper's knees buckling as he stabbed into him.

There was a moment of eerie calm as they adjusted to each other's bodies, the only sound in the room the ragged saw of their breaths.  They were both frozen on the brink of ecstasy.  And then, clutching one another, they fell into it.

Matt didn't fuck Benny Ray so much as he rode the man.  And the sniper moved as if electrified.

Matt grasped the man's writhing hips and plunged into him again and again, slamming against him as if he stood between him and release.  His cock was a battering ram and Benny Ray's body an unyielding door.  His ears were filled with the moist slapping of their bodies and the guttural sounds that had supplanted language.  Then he felt something exploding behind his balls and pressed his face against the sniper's back, glad that the man hadn't been wearing clothes because it meant he could taste the sniper's skin.  But all sensation was eclipsed a moment later when he felt himself ejaculating inside the sniper, accenting each spurt with a savage twist of his hips.

 _You're mine, Benny Ray.  Mine_ , he growled silently.

He was still thrusting long after he was spent, as if he'd forgotten how to do anything but fuck.  But eventually his body stilled and he slipped out of Benny Ray, his cock feeling deliciously raw.

As he took in gulps of air, Matt's spent passion turned to tenderness.  His hands circled Benny Ray's waist and he kissed him lightly on the back of his neck as his hands slid up to tease at the twin nubs that had hardened into pebbles.

A low, grumbled, "Mmm," was the sniper's only reply.

 _God, he feels good_ , Matt thought.  _Give me a minute and I'm going to want to do that again_.

Matt took a step back, breathless, and bent over, his hands braced against his legs just above the knees.  Benny Ray was still spread-eagled against the door, his back heaving.  As he reached down to pull up his jeans, the sniper turned.

The first thing Matt saw in the moonlit room was the rigid shaft of the man's cock, so engorged it actually jerked with each beat of his heart.  The second thing that caught the light was his face… and that wicked, wicked grin.

Benny Ray was fast.  You could tell by his feline, feral bearing.  But unless you had actually seen him in motion, you couldn't really appreciate it.  He was on Matt before he could let out even a squeak of surprise and they tumbled into the room.

Matt tried to say something, but the sniper's hungry lips silenced him.  Benny Ray's body was hot and insistent, the press of his cock demanding between their bodies.

 _You said you wanted him to screw you into the floor_ , the voice reminded him.  _Well, you're going to get what you asked for_.

Matt closed his eyes and just let go.

He was pushed back to the bed, then down onto it.  And, just as suddenly as Benny Ray had leaped on him, he was gone.  Matt opened his eyes in bewilderment, lifting himself up onto his elbows.  Something yanked his jeans off his ankles, then immediately pushed his knees up to his chest.  Instantly, Benny Ray was on top of him, backlit by the moonlight, which was dim compared to the predatory gleam in the sniper's eyes.

 _Oh my God_ , Matt squeaked silently, kicking feebly, but his legs were trapped by the sniper's weight.  Something poked at the opening to his ass and he thought it was the man's finger until the sheer girth of it became apparent.  He panicked, tightening against it.  _He'll kill me!_

Benny Ray leaned over, his face close to Matt's, and something in the tender kiss he brushed against the major's lips whispered, "Trust me."

Again, Matt let go.

Benny Ray's hands were braced on the major's shoulders as his cock slowly worked its way into him.  Matt was hungry to have the sniper inside and he writhed to accommodate him more quickly, but, pinned as he was, there was really nothing he could do to speed up the process.

 _Relax_ , the voice said, _enjoy_.

The sniper's cock crept into him with the stealth of an assassin, and he was powerless beneath its advance.  Resignedly, he gave up trying and lay still.  It seemed like an eternity, but at last he felt the solid brace of Benny Ray's pelvis pressing against his backside and he knew that the sniper had reached his limit.  He felt the man's cock flex inside him and reveled in the fullness of it.  _Oh, yes_ , he moaned.

Just as slowly as he had entered, Benny Ray's cock began to retreat, leaving a void as it withdrew.  Matt would have begged him to fill him, but he'd forgotten how to speak.  He simply moaned in distress.  When the sniper actually popped free, Matt cried out.

Benny Ray laughed low in his throat, then kissed Matt.  His tongue drove itself into the major's mouth and, just as suddenly, his cock drove itself back into his body.  Soon the sniper had worked out a rhythm, his tongue and cock collaborating to fuck Matt at both ends.

Matt felt an uncomfortable pinch in his groin and realized that his stiffened cock was trapped pointing downward.  He reached between them and pulled it free.  Still wet with semen, it slipped easily between their bodies.  He managed to get in a few strokes before Benny Ray pinned his arms over his head.

Matt was sure the sniper could continue until dawn at the excruciating pace he'd set, but as if cued from some external source, he began to increase the tempo of his thrusts.

Unable to move his limbs, Matt focused his movements on his tongue and lips.  He was intoxicated by the slide of the sniper's tongue in his mouth and how it mirrored the slide of his cock through his ass.  With each thrust, the rough texture of the man's belly sent a thrill through the major's cock.  He lost himself in all the sensations, letting each one thrill him more than the last.

Benny Ray finally broke the kiss, gasping for air, but the intensity of his thrusting into Matt's body didn't abate.  His mouth uncovered, Matt began to cry, to howl.  The sniper remained almost silent, but he could feel the rumble of a barely audible growl beginning deep in the man's chest.  He looked up and saw the love and desire shining like stars in Benny Ray's eyes.  _He loves you_.  The epiphany pushed him over the edge and a second orgasm hit him like a tidal wave.

Benny Ray felt the major go and cried out, thrusting in deeper than he'd been before.

Matt felt his bowels fill with the warmth and wetness of him.  He closed his eyes, allowing himself to get lost in the pleasure.

The sniper hovered above him, trembling, and didn't move or speak for several minutes, not until his softening cock was expelled from Matt's body.

Matt opened his eyes then to look at him, and found himself frozen in fear instead.  What if he didn't want this?  What if–?

Benny Ray leaned in and kissed him again, the touch light and tender.  They moved, lying down beside one another, holding each other, their hands exploring with fumbling lethargy.  The kisses continued, short, gentle, and loving.

"Christ, Benny Ray," Matt finally managed to whisper, "this is a dream come true."

The sniper cupped the major's soft cock in his hand, his fingers curling around him possessively.  "Then let's agree now t' never wake up."

Matt felt his chest tighten and nodded.  "Never."

 _See, sometimes you do get what you wish for_.

 _Shut up_.


End file.
